Fifty Shades of Black Review

     The parody genre might be the laziest and least inspiring movies out there. While it can occasionally lead to very funny movies like "Airplane!," "Spaceballs," or "Robin Hood: Men in Tights," more often than not they end up being some of the worst movies you'll ever see. But the reason that Hollywood keeps churning these out is because they are cheap to make, but are often successful. The last decent spoof movie I can think of would be "Scary Movie 3" back in 2003, it wasn't good but it made me laugh; but in recent years though it's like the people behind these movies aren't even trying anymore. I took a look at my lists of the five worst movies of 2013, 2014, and 2015 and realized that five of the 15 were parody movies. And arguably the worst of all of them would have to be 2014 abysmal "A Haunted House 2." A truly unfunny and thoroughly unenjoyable abomination of a movie; brought to us by its writer, producer, and star, Marlon Wayans. Most well known for his role in "White Chicks" (which is one of my least favorite movies ever made), Wayans has made a career out of truly terrible movies. He is even considered by many to be one of the worst actors of all time. So what has Wayans decided his latest project would be? A parody of one of the worst movies of 2015, "Fifty Shades of Grey." Which brings us to my review of one of the worst movies you’ll see in 2016, “Fifty Shades of Black.” 

     Hannah is a college student who is recruited by her roommate to go interview successful businessman Christian Black in her place when her Chlamydia is acting up. Hannah meets Christian, who made his money selling drugs, and is intrigued. While working at her job Christian starts to stalk her and gives her his number. After getting drunk with some friends (one of which tries to drug and rape her), she end up at Christian's who is even weirder than she thought. So basically the story is the exact same as "Fifty Shades of Grey" plus raunchy comedy and overall stupidity; so I'm going to stop summarizing it. 

     When you're looking to make a parody or spoof movie, a good starting point would be to not have revolve around one of the worst movies of the previous year. Because like the movie it mocks, "Fifty Shades of Black" is not good. First off, it's not funny. At no point in this movie was I actually laughing, there were a few moments where I would I'd smirk or chuckle, but overall this was one of those comedies that have the amazing ability to not be funny. The problem was that this movie felt lazy, it always went after low hanging fruit and cheap shots. It also followed "Fifty Shades of Grey basically scene for scene. There was no surprise, everything that you thought was going to happen before hand ended up happening. It actually managed to be pretty damn boring the entire time. It relied almost entirely on crude humor, as well as sex jokes and jokes about race (with a mostly black cast, a lot of jokes were about them being black). It wasn't clever, it wasn't funny, and it felt like lowest common denominator humor throughout the entire run time. Not only was it not funny, it was terribly written. Not original in any sense of the word, it was filled with out of date and unnecessary references that made the whole thing feel stale. Couple that with sub-par acting from the entire cast (Marlon Wayans at least tried to add some personality to his character), and you have a movie that will undoubtedly be on my list of the worst movies of the year. The best part of this movie was that they openly mock "Fifty Shades of Grey;" not just by referencing it, but by actually showing the book on camera and calling it terrible. Is "Fifty Shades of Black" the worst movie I have ever seen? No. Is it the best? Far from it. This movie is nothing more than a perfectly forgettable cash grab. This movie could have actually been funny if they tried, but instead they decided it would be easier to half-ass it. So if I'm lucky, I'll never have watch this movie again. 

Pros: A few chuckles, openly mocks "Fifty Shades of Grey." 

Cons: Sub-par acting from everyone, terrible writing, feels lazy, follows story scene for scene, not funny, out of date/unnecessary references, completely unmemorable, almost entirely crude humor and sex/race jokes.

1/5 Stars

5 Movies to Look for in 2016

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, X-Men: Apocalypse, Zoolander 2, The Secret Life of Pets, Assassin's Creed, Ratchet and Clank, Tiple 9, Ben-Hur, Midnight Special, Star Trek Beyond, Doctor Strange, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, Warcraft, Suicide Squad, Finding Dory, Deadpool, The Nice Guys, Story of Your Life

Runner-Up: Zootopia
For the better part of 15 years, Pixar had been the most acclaimed animation studio in the business; picking up the reigns from Disney who had dropped the ball starting in the late 90s and early 2000s. But starting in 2010 with "Tangled," Disney managed to find the magic again. Followed up by "Wreck-it-Ralph," "Frozen," and "Big Hero 6," Disney animation is at the best they've been for years. And their upcoming film "Zootopia" is looking to yet another great installment in their stoic filmography. A comedic mystery taking place in a world inhabited only by animals, this movie first made waves with an extraordinarily funny trailer released a few months ago. "Zootopia" looks very promising and really could be another feather in the hat of Disney; and as long as they make it appealing to all audiences and not just for kids, this is shaping up to be one of my favorite movies of the year.

5. Everybody Wants Some
Since the early 90s, Richard Linklater has established himself as one of America's stand out directors. With great films like "Slacker," Waking Life," "School of Rock," and "Bernie" under his belt, as well as the universally acclaimed "Before" trilogy and masterpiece "Boyhood," Linklater stands high above most other directors working. But despite how good all those movies are, his most popular and culturally influential film would be the 90s classic "Dazed and Confused." A beloved stoner comedy, "Dazed and Confused" managed to launch the careers of actors like Ben Affleck, Milla Jovovich, Matthew McConaughey, and more. Despite how much people loved the film, fans never saw a sequel, but in 2016 they will be getting the next best thing. Linklater has said that "Everybody Wants Some" will act as a spiritual successor to the aforementioned film, and follows the lives of some college students during their freshman year. Linklater is one of those directors that I have full faith and confidence in; and considering how much he loves his movies, I doubt he would make a successor to his most well known film unless he knew it would be great.

4. Captain America: Civil War
Since 2008's "Iron Man," Disney has taken over the movie industry with the insanely popular Marvel Cinematic Universe; with the 12 films in the series grossing just over nine billion dollars, making it the highest grossing film franchise. While receptions towards some were lukewarm, others were met with much acclaim; and many will argue that the best in the entire franchise would be "Captain America: The Winter Soldier." Praised for its action, writing, and characters, "The Winter Soldier" was noted for working as a spy thriller as well as superhero movie. Now two years later it gets a sequel, one that will follow one of the most important story lines in any Marvel comic. "Captain America: Civil War" is set to revolve around the conflicting ideologies of Captain America and Iron Man, regarding the roles of superheroes in the world and whether they are entitled to privacy or should be forced to identify themselves. "Civil War" is shaping up to comic book nerd's wet dream, and will introduce several new characters to the MCU. Topping "The Winter Soldier" as the best Marvel movie is a tall order, but if any of the upcoming movies can do it I suspect it will be this one.

3. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
Given that this a "Star Wars" movie, you'd think that "Rogue One" would top this list; but the only reason it's not is because we've seen almost nothing from it other than a few set photos, which is a bit surprising. "The Force Awakens" had a teaser trailer released over a year before its release, but less than a year out not much is known of this movie besides the plot. "Rogue One: A Star Wars Story" follows a small group of Rebels that steal the plans for the death star from the Empire. "Rogue One" is the first of the upcoming spin-off films in the series, taking place right before the events of "A New Hope." What has me so excited is that we might actually see some familiar faces; I've heard rumors that Darth Vader might make an appearance. I guess my only reservation about the film would be the director, Gareth Edwards. Edwards is most well known for directing 2014's "Godzilla," while I enjoyed it I wouldn't exactly call it a modern classic. It's really going to come down to the screenplay, as long as it's good I think Edwards can pull it off. All I know is that I am excited to see a "Star Wars" movie that actually sounds like it will be a war movie.

2. Hail, Caesar!
If I were to list out the best directing duos to ever step behind a camera, Joel and Ethan Coen would undoubtedly top that list. Noted for films like "No Country for Old Men," "Fargo," "The Big Lebowski," "True Grit," and several more, many consider them to be some of the best directors of all time. So why would there ever not be excited for one of their new movies? "Hail, Caesar!" is about a movie producer who needs to track down the star of his studios new movie after being kidnapped, so he recruits so help from other stars to get the job done. While I am excited for this movie believing that it will be good, I am still very hesitant about it. The Coen Brothers might be great directors, but have some shaky history with comedies; some of their more questionable directed movies include "Burn After Reading" and "The Ladykillers," plus several writing credits for other bad movies. But I will give them the benefit of the doubt, because when they make a good comedy they usually nail it. And after watching the trailer I really think this could be some of their best work in yours.

1. Midnight Special
This might be the least known movie on this list, but I'm willing to bet money that this will be one of the best movies of 2016. Not a whole lot is known regarding the plot other than the synopsis. A father and young son with mysterious powers are on the run from a religious cult and a government task force, both of which are looking to exploit the boy's abilities. The reason I am so excited for this movie is not because of the story but the director, Jeff Nichols. Nichols has only directed three movies, but each one was phenomenal. "Shotgun Stories" (one of the best movies of 2008), "Take Shelter" (the best movie of 2011), and "Mud" (the best movie of 2013). So far Nichols is batting a thousand, but "Midnight Special" seems to be far out of his comfort zone. Up to this point all of his movies were southern style dramas, but this one is a sci-fi film inspired by the works of John Carpenter. Nichols is one of the best and most underrated directors currently working, and I will always be excited for whatever he is working on.

5 Games to Look for in 2016

Honorable Mentions: Tom Clancy's The Division, Final Fantasy 15, Nier: Automata, Deus Ex: Mankind Divided, Street Fighter 5, Doom, Mirror's Edge Catalyst, Firewatch, Shadow Warrior 2, Crackdown 3, Cuphead, Hyper Light Drifter, Abzu, Gears of War 4, Horizon Zero Dawn, Persona 5, Unravel, Dishonored 2.
Note: This lists consists of games that have been given a release date sometime in 2016, but it is possible they could be delayed to a later date. I've also decided to exclude "Uncharted: A Thief's End" and "No Man's Sky" from this list, since they were on my list of the "5 Games to Look for in 2015" but were delayed; and to be honest I don't feel like writing about them again.

Runner-Up: Ratchet & Clank
The "Ratchet & Clank" games has become a staple franchise of the PlayStation, going back to the PlayStation 2. With 12 games over the course of 15 years, it has become a flagship series for Sony. But for years the series has been on a down slope; with lackluster installments like "All 4 One," "Full Frontal Assault," and "Into the Nexus" being far from the best games of featuring the name "Ratchet & Clank." But their newest installment looks to go back to when the series was at some of its best, the very beginning. 2016's "Ratchet & Clank" is a re-imaging and redesigned version of the 2002 game of the same name. Featuring new weapons, level design, and updated graphics, this new game seems to be a return to form for a once great series that has lost its luster, and is almost an assured slam dunk.

5. Far Cry Primal
For the past couple years, one of the stand out open world game series has been the "Far Cry" franchise. The over-the-top game play, eccentric story, and more than a few crazy moments have made the series memorable and loved by fans. "Far Cry 3" was met with particular acclaim from critics and audiences, as well as the stand alone game "Blood Dragon." While the sequel "Far Cry 4" was also met with positive reviews, many criticized it for falling into a formulaic pattern and not acting as a huge leap forward from its predecessor. But this newest installment in the franchise, "Far Cry Primal," seems determined to differentiate itself from the rest of the series. Taking place about 12,000 BC, it does seem to be a departure from the rest of the franchise. While the gameplay I have seen hasn't blown me away, it does look promising; and considering how much I loved the previous games, I'm fairly confident that I will have fun with this one as well.

4. Dark Souls 3
In 2009, Japanese development studio FromSoftware released "Demon's Souls;" an action-role playing game noted for its extreme difficulty. The game was met with harsh criticism in Japan, and was almost not released worldwide. By some strange events, it was met with North American release where it was met with wide critical acclaim. Two years later "Dark Souls" was released to near universal acclaim, with a sequel coming two years later titled "Dark Souls 2." While many considered the sequel to be one of the best games of the year, it was criticized by many for lacking the originality and uniqueness of its predecessors. But "Dark Souls 3" appears to be less "Dark Souls 2" and more "Dark Souls" and "Demon's Souls." As well as taking influences from the developer's most recent game "Bloodborne," a spiritual successor to the previously mentioned games. Incorporating elements from all the games that came before it, "Dark Souls 3" is looking to be exactly what the series needs.

3. The Witness
Now this is a game that I've been looking forward to for a long time. "The Witness" is a puzzle adventure game from the mind of Jonathan Blow, the creator of 2008's indie hit "Braid." The reason I've been looking forward to this game is because of Blow himself; he might be eccentric, and as a human being is kind of pretentious at times, but he is a visionary game director. The first time I heard of this game was back at E3 2013. A small group of journalist was given a behind closed doors presentation of the game, and people came out nothing but impressed. So much so a few of them chose it as the best game of E3. And from what I've seen of this game it looks stupendous. It's been a while since I've played a truly memorable puzzle game, so I think "The Witness" is just what I needed.

2. Mass Effect: Andromeda
If you were to ask gamers what the best video game trilogy of all time is, the "Mass Effect" series would get quite a few shout outs; at the same time though, the series left a very bittersweet taste in everyone's mouth. "Mass Effect 3" was a lightning rod for controversy in regards to its ending; the series was known for its decision based system, but at the series finale none of the choices you made seemed to make a difference. After that many were unsure of the series future; that was until E3 2015 where a new game was announced. Currently little is known about the game, other than that it takes place long after the previous titles in the Andromeda Galaxy. Despite the lack of information, I am pumped for this game. "Mass Effect 2" is my favorite game of all time, so I will always be excited for more of the series. A solid release date hasn't been set, with a tentative date in Q4 2016; so until then I will wait with quit anticipation for what I am sure will be a phenomenal game.

1. The Last Guardian
The phoenix has finally risen from the ashes, and it's about damn time. For those who don't know, "The Last Guardian" is one of the most infamous games to in the entire industry. Originally announced in 2009 with a release date in 2011, the developers kept pushing the date back until it fell off the map. Postponed due to technical issues and the original game director leaving, many were unsure if it was ever going to come out. But at E3 2015, a new trailer was shown and everyone lost their minds. "The Last Guardian" is meant to be the final chapter in a trilogy, with the two previous titles being "Ico" and "Shadow of the Colossus." Both of which aren't just considered to be some of the best and most influential games of all time, and are often cited as the prime examples for video games as art. A lot of people have been waiting a long time for this game, myself included. And to be honest, there is almost no way it can live up to the hype. That being said, I still cannot wait to get my hands on this game.