Fifty Shades Darker Review

     In 2005, the world was greeted with the first installment of the "Twilight" book series. A young adult’s vampire-romance novel, the book took the world by storm, selling millions of copies and spawning three sequels and five movies. While the whole series was met with mostly mixed to negative reviews from critics, fans couldn't get enough. You might be asking yourself, "Why is this guy talking about "Twilight?" The answer is simple, it led us hear. "Fifty Shades of Grey" was an erotic novel released in 2011 to immediate financial success, selling millions and spawning two sequels. The series originated from "Twilight" fan fiction, which is why we're here today. Not long after the series’ success, it was confirmed that the books would be made into a film franchise. The first installment was released in 2015; while it was panned by critics, the film quickly became one of the highest grossing R-rated movies of all time. The movie even made so much off of pre-sold tickets, that the studio greenlit two sequels before the initial release. I saw "Fifty Shades of Grey," and it was not good. While the director really seemed to try and salvage the movie, the bad acting, non-existent chemistry, cringe-worthy dialog, and an uninteresting story lead to one of the worst movies of the year. So how does the sequel fair compared to the original? It's more or less the same.

     After the events of "50 Shades of Grey," the series lead characters Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey are no longer together. They both try and get on with their lives, but feel a longing for each other. After running into each other at an art exhibit, the two come to an agreement and start anew. But personal problems and troubles from the past keep getting in their way.

     "50 Shades of Grey" was far from the best movie I've ever seen. It easily ranked among some of the worst movies of the year, and if I'm lucky I'll never see it again. Yet somehow, "50 Shades Darker" manages to be even worse. I'll stand by my belief that with "50 Shades of Grey," the director really tried to salvage that dumpster fire of a movie; but this one doesn't even have that. This movie feels like it has little to no direction for the entire run time, but when it's there it's weak to say the least. Beyond that, "50 Shades Darker" is bad in every way its predecessor was. The performances from the entire cast feels phoned in and unbelievable. It certainly doesn't help that the characters they play are extraordinarily unlikable; watching this movie, at no time was I rooting for the leads. And the story they are within is astonishingly uninteresting. The entire movie is just about two people dating; taking part in what is a very toxic relationship. For some reason, there are also several subplots that happen within the movie for no reason. They're just kind of there for no reason, and are solved quickly with no payoff at all. Like this movie's predecessor, the dialog of "50 Shades Darker" is incredibly cringe-worthy. No one talks like an actual person in this movie, but like cartoon characters of how people would actually behave. I also have to say, for a movie about sex, this movie isn't very sexy. Every "sexy scene" feels like a poorly shot soft-core porno. They've managed to make sex boring, just like they did with the rest of the movie. This is seriously one of the most boring films I've ever seen in the theater. I was checking my watch constantly hoping that it was almost over. And it didn't help that the cinematography was unimpressive and the soundtrack unmemorable. This is just such a vanilla, unremarkable, and boring movie. If I had to say something good about it, it would be that the movie's target market would probably like it a lot more than I did. But in all honesty, I hated this movie; it's worse than its predecessor, it's the worst movie I've seen this year, and is one of the worst movies I've seen since starting this blog. Unless you're someone who loved the series it's based off of, take my advice and do not go see "50 Shades Darker."

Pros: The target market will probably enjoy it.

Cons: Phoned in performances, unlikable characters, uninteresting story, cringe worthy dialog, weak direction, unimpressive cinematography, unmemorable soundtrack, subplots happen for no reason, boring, not very sexy.

.5/5 Stars