So here we go again, one last terrible f*cking
time. Now, if you don't know me very well, you might not know my utter disdain
for the "Fifty Shades" franchise. "Fifty Shades of Grey"
was released back in 2015, and while it wasn't the worst movie of the year it
certainly ranked somewhere near it. The only "redeemable" factor of
the movie was that I felt like the director tried her best to make it work,
unfortunately for her there was too little to salvage. Two years later we got
the sequel, "Fifty Shades Darker," which was my choice for the worst
movie of 2017. With the sequel, there were no redeemable qualities. Horrendous
performances, cringy writing, subplots that lead nowhere, no chemistry between
the actors playing forgettable characters, and I don't even feel the director
tried. "Fifty Shades Darker" is one of the worst films I've ever
seen, and I hope to never see it again. Unfortunately, when it comes to the series as a whole, I've come this far so I
might as well finish what I started. Now in 2018 we get the final chapter of the "Fifty
Shades" series, "Fifty Shades Freed." I'll go ahead and cut to
the chase, it's bad. It’ll be in consideration for one of the worst movies of
the year. I'll get into detail why, but I thought I'd save you the effort. Now
sit back, relax, and read my words on why this movie sucks.
"Fifty
Shades Free" picks up shortly after the events of its predecessor. The two
main characters, Christian and Anastasia, are getting married and are ready to
start their lives together. But their honeymoon is cut short when there a fire
caused by arson breaks out at Christian’s company. The two head home to
Seattle, and are confronted by the reality that Ana's old boss seems to be
going after them. The two go back to their normal lives, but now married some
new conflicts arise. Then some other stuff happens, they have sex a lot, and
then it's over.
Listen, I said it earlier and I'll say it again, this isn't a good movie. No need to beat around the bush, I'll just go ahead
and say "Fifty Shades Freed" is a bad movie and if you wanted to know
my overall opinion it is just that. Now, on to the actual review. I feel like I
should go ahead and get the positive things out of the way first. This movie is
certainly a step up from its predecessor. The second film in the series was
"Fifty Shades Darker," a film I absolutely despised and even ranked it
as the worst movie of 2017. "Freed" is certainly better. The
main reason is that the story is at least coherent; as convoluted and boring as
the plot of this movie is, you can actually follow what happens. And unlike
"Darker," they didn't completely fill it with nonsense side-plots you
don't care about. Also, there were actually a few jokes in this movie that gave
me a decent chuckle; so that's nice. Now with the good out of the way, let's
talk about everything else. To call this screenplay poorly written doesn't
really do it justice. As I already said, the plot is so boring and convoluted
that little makes sense but you don't even care. Like its predecessors the
dialog is always cringy, and it's delivered with no passion from uninspired
actors giving terrible performances as characters that are unlikable and
uninteresting. I don't blame them that much though, it helps that the film's
direction seems non-existent, with no idea in what it wants to be. But if I had
to choose the one area that this movie fails completely, it would be with sex.
For what are supposed to be erotic movies, these films have always been rather
unsexy. It's such played up, romanticized sex with BDSM elements thrown in but there's no real weight behind it. Maybe because the actors have no chemistry,
the direction, or that the woman who wrote the books can't write sex (or
anything else but that's beside the point). It's just that when you have a
movie that literally revolves around sex, you really need to get that element
about it right. "Fifty Shades Freed" is not a good movie. It's
boring, bland, and every other negative adjective in the book. I could go
deeper, similar to what I did with its predecessor regarding its unmemorable
music or cinematography, but you get the basic gist by this point. It's not the
worst film I've ever seen, or even the worst installment in its franchise, but
hopefully I'll never have to see it again. But there is one more pro I forgot
to mention; with the conclusion of this movie, the "Fifty Shades" series
is officially over. And that's something we can all get behind.
Pros: A step-up from its predecessor, a few
jokes gave me chuckle, coherent story, ending the franchise.
Cons: Non-existent direction, uninspired
actors with no chemistry, terrible performances, poorly written screenplay,
cringy dialog, lead characters are unlikable and uninteresting, not
sexy, convoluted and boring story.
1/5 Stars
